The year was 2008. The Phillies were on their way to a World Series win, the television show Lost was teaching us to enjoy confusion, and I am about to get a blowjob from a girl I haven’t seen since we were both six…
We’d met at a very young age when our mothers were friends. I’d called her “Kitten” because my stupid young tongue couldn’t pronounce her actual name. I get invited her to party after not seeing each other for sixteen years and still call her “Kitten,” which seems to turn her on. 
She ends up blowing me on the living room couch after a drunken party. I am still young and dumb…and fascinated with putting my hands on the back of a woman’s head during blowjobs. I was also once fascinated with Limp Bizkit. Youth and stupidity go hand in hand. Anyway, she continually pushes my hands back to my shoulders without ever taking the dick out of her mouth. Quite talented.
At some point, she looks up seductively and asks if I want to, “touch her.” In this case meaning put my hands on her head. I laugh a little inside, as life has few greater experiences than a woman looking dumb trying to be sexy. I put my hands on her head…and she punches me as hard as she can in the face.
Even in the heat of the moment, I am still impressed the penis never left her mouth for the duration.
When I wonder aloud, “Um, what was that?” She responds, “If I ask if you want to touch me…you respond, ‘Yes, I would, Kitten’.” This is followed by mumbles, the continued blowjob, and avoidance of all eye contact. Only at the end do I notice something horrifying: we are at her father’s house. In his living room. And his bedroom door is wide open in clear view of his daughter servicing me. I leave immediately and never see her again.
The next day I wake up and see my mother in the kitchen. She asks what happened to my eye. I tell her I was attacked by a “Kitten”…
