We get it, heat waves, vacation stress, summer can stunt sexual activity. Whether you and your partner have stopped having sex all together or the sex has just become underwhelming, we are here to help you find your way out of that rut, and back into some exhilarating sexual encounters.

Typically, when you find yourself in a routine of unsatisfying sex, the most common advice is to spice things up with a new toy, or sex position. While these can all be wonderful ideas, what’s often missing from this advice about breaking out of a rut is focusing on what types of pleasure and connection feel best to you and your partner.

Go back to your roots

What did you and your partner used to do that made sex more engaging and satisfying? Rather than trying to incorporate new sex acts that might not feel totally natural, it can be helpful to bring back old moves that used to be an integral part of your connection. Perhaps oral sex used to feature more regularly in your playtime but now you can’t remember the last time you sat on your partner’s face. Maybe it’s been months since you’ve had morning sex in the kitchen. Identifying the specific forms of physical connection that were already natural and enjoyable to you and your partner will make them much easier to integrate back into your sex life than finding a completely new sex act that you’re just hoping will startle the both of you into feeling something.

Talk before you take a leap

Some people end up feeling that if they’re going to break free of a sexual rut, they need to do something wild and sexually surprising. Which can definitely spark things back up if sex has gotten predictable, however if your goal is to step a little bit outside of your comfort zone and explore something sexually new, it can help to sit down with your partner and discuss which possibilities would actually turn you both on. Whatever it is you decide on make sure you both feel like it will be a turn on, sparks are hottest when they are shared by all partners involved.

If all else fails, switch up your focus, stop worrying about reaching that finish line and focus on the journey to your orgasms. Sometimes all we really need is to just slow down.