When it comes to finding your next relationship, date, or hookup, you might think your body is the first thing someone notices. Maybe you worry that you’re too big, too small, too curvy, too skinny, too short, too tall, or simply not built like the people filling your social media feed. But attraction has never been as simple as fitting into one particular size. In fact, one of the sexiest things you can bring into a new relationship or hookup has nothing to do with the number on the scale: body confidence.
Body confidence doesn’t mean believing you have a perfect body. There is no such thing. It means walking into a room without apologizing for the body you have.
Confidence changes the way you carry yourself. It shows up in your posture, your eye contact, your smile, your flirting, and the way you respond when someone shows interest in you. When you feel comfortable in your own skin, you’re more likely to relax, joke around, flirt back, and actually enjoy getting to know someone instead of spending the entire time wondering, Do they think I’m attractive?
And here’s something important to remember: attraction is incredibly personal.
The body feature you’re desperately trying to hide might be exactly what someone else finds irresistible. Some people love curves. Some prefer slender bodies. Some like muscles, softness, thick thighs, small chests, big chests, bellies, stretch marks, freckles, scars, or features you may never have imagined someone noticing in a positive way. Human attraction is wonderfully inconsistent, which is precisely why trying to become attractive to everyone is impossible.
You don’t need everyone to want you.
You need the right person or, depending on what you’re looking for tonight, perhaps just the right person for tonight.
Body confidence becomes especially important when things start getting intimate. If you’re constantly covering yourself, criticizing your stomach, refusing to believe compliments, or worrying about what your body looks like from every possible angle, it can pull you out of the experience. Instead of enjoying someone’s touch or the chemistry between you, you’re mentally standing outside yourself judging your own body.
That’s exhausting.
Being confident doesn’t mean insecurity magically disappears the second your clothes do. Almost everybody has something they’re self-conscious about. Confidence is being able to think, Yeah, I’m not completely in love with that part of myself, but I’m still allowed to feel desirable.
That attitude can completely change intimacy.
Instead of wondering whether your partner is staring at your stomach, you’re noticing the way they’re looking at you. Instead of worrying about whether your thighs look big, you’re enjoying the fact that someone clearly wants to be close to them. Instead of thinking about what you look like, you’re concentrating on how everything feels.
Confidence also helps you choose better partners.
When you believe you deserve attraction, affection, pleasure, and respect, you’re less likely to tolerate someone who treats you as though they’re doing you a favor by dating or sleeping with you. Nobody gets extra power in a relationship simply because you think they’re more attractive than you.
You’re not auditioning for the privilege of being wanted.
Whether you’re looking for a long-term relationship, a casual hookup, or something somewhere in between, remember that your body isn’t a problem you have to solve before you’re allowed to start dating. You don’t have to lose twenty pounds first. You don’t need bigger muscles, a flatter stomach, a bigger butt, smaller thighs, or some imaginary “perfect” version of yourself before you deserve to flirt.
Wear the outfit that makes you feel hot. Take the compliment without arguing with it. Make eye contact. Flirt. Laugh. Let someone be attracted to you without immediately trying to convince them they’re mistaken.
Most importantly, stop waiting until your body becomes something else before allowing yourself to enjoy the body you’re living in right now.
Because your next relationship or hookup isn’t going to fall for a clothing size.
They’re going to notice your smile, your personality, your humor, your energy, the chemistry between you, the way you make them feel and yes, they’re going to notice your body too.
So let them.
You might be surprised how sexy someone else already thinks the body you’ve been criticizing is.
